Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
