I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize