I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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