PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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