Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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