Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
