We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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