I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
