I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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