Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
