Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
