She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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