So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
