I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
