I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
40s are totally the cure
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
