3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
