I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
