so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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