She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
