He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
