dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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