i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
