i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
