You made me cry and you don't even care
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
4 words: hood of his car
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
