Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
