bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
