The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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