i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
