I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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