that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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