You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
