Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
