I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You are the jesus of drinking
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
PANTIES FOUND
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