Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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