If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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