If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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