Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
