Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
