I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
