After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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