Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
