I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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