I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
