are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
