After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
