That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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