i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
