awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
