I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
