my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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