Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
