Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
