No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
