i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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