that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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