i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
