Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
