im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
