Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
