I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
