We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
