Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
