so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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