She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
