Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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