We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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