so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
