So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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