Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
