So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
