my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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